I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
