i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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