I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
