Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think people are normalizing furries
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
