Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
