I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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