gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
