Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
