my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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