just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
