We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
