omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
