Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
