areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I faked an abortion last night.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
