it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
