Cold hands, warm shart.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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