Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He kissed a someone with a penis
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
