i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
