I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
