A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
