Got a toothbrush?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
