I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
