I should be sponsored by Trojan
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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