I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
