I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
