so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
