guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
