YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
