I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
