Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize