you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
