I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How's work?
Spinning.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
