I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
