New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
