What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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