hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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