my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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