It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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