I would go down on you faster than GM stock
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
