pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
