There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
