by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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