Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
