I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
