so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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