I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
