You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
