There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
