Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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