I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
