we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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