Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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