i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
