you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize