: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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