you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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