the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
