My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
