too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
