My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my shit smells like andre
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I believe in your delicious
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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