The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We are two peas in an std pod
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
