The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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