Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize