grandma shit on top of the toilet
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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