A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
