Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
