We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
