The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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