just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
