Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize