Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
