Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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