he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
