I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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