So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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