hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
