woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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