Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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