i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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