So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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