I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
