this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
