I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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