I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
