I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Found the puke drawer
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
