I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
