How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
