At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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