My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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