if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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