Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
