I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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