It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
