Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
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